New Stories, New Choices, New Outcomes

I remember hearing Brené Brown speak. As she recounted the difficult moments in her journey, she kept using a phrase: “The story I was telling myself was…”

Brené then went on to add, “When I remind myself that I’m telling myself a story, it’s empowering, because I know I can update the story.” Updating can be important. At another conference I heard the poet David Whyte share, “Most people are 3 to 5 years behind their reality.” He went on to explain how it can take 3 to 5 years to realise, ‘I no longer enjoy that,’ or, ‘Actually I’m pretty good at…’, for example.

I’m fascinated by people’s stories.

In doing this work for some 20 years, it’s a real privilege to hear the many different ways that people experience their life, their work, the people who are important to them, the situations and opportunities they face, their successes and perceived failings, their callings, their views on how change happens, on what’s going on in the world, on what their part in things is and the options they have.

As people share their stories, great insights and wisdoms often emerge. The stories can also reveal limitations, such as what is expected or thought possible or simply the idea that a particular version of events is the only way of looking at things.

Many years ago I was involved in a book club. I remember sitting in a front room with many other readers. One said, “The characters were entirely unbelievable.” The next said, “He (a character in the story) was just like my brother.” Same book. Same story. Entirely different interpretation and experience.

What’s ‘Story Weaving’?

And so I’ve come to recognise that part of the signature of my work is what could be called Story Weaving.

This is the listening, and together uncovering the strengths, truths, insights and wisdoms. And sometimes, where it serves the client, also exploring the assumptions and limitations the current story may be inviting.

And sometimes I’ll be sharing stories – mine, and others I’ve gained along the way. Sometimes these affirm, confirm and reinforce. And sometimes they invite new ways of looking at things.

What then often happens is that people pause, reflect, and choose to update their stories.

And so the stories weave together: within people, between us and down the years. Evolving. Deepening. Broadening. Updated stories emerge that are richer in texture, closer to the reality of now and the future that is wanted, and enabling new choices and ways forward.